Staying Positive

Michelle Kwan is a two-time Olympic medalist, five-time World champion, and nine-time U.S. champion figure skater.  Since learning how to skate at age five, she has become one of the most decorated athletes in the sport.

In 1998, more than 2,000 people lined the streets of Lake Arrowhead, California to welcome her home from the Winter Olympics.  The 17-year-old was deeply touched by the turnout—she was sure no one would show up after she placed second at the Nagano Games.

Her hometown didn't care whether she won the gold or the silver.

Others did, however.

Appearing on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Kwan expressed her reaction to the ever-present question: "How does it feel to lose the gold?"

Her reply was simple.

I didn't lose the gold.  I won the silver.

Focus On What Matters

The negativity bias suggests that humans put more emphasis on negative events than on neutral or positive occurrences.  This bias cuts across social domains to affect learning, memory, attention, and the formation of impressions. 

The four elements of negativity bias were defined by Paul Rozin and Edward Royzman in 2001: 

• Negative potency: measurable positive and negative events (such as temperature changes) are not equally salient
• Steeper negative gradients: the closer you get to an event, the more likely negative events (like dental work) will affect you emotionally than a positive event (like going to a concert) will
• Negativity dominance: the tendency to lump positive and negative aspects together while giving more weight to the negative
• Negative differentiation: the notion that negativity is more complex and detailed than positivity. 

The above are psychological defaults for many people.  Reframing to focus on the positive aspect of events takes work.  As Michelle Kwan shows, however, doing so is psychologically healthy. 

While it's not beneficial to only focus on achievements, knowing your value and striving to succeed are much better pathways than getting caught up in what didn't happen. 

Allow yourself to feel gratitude for your hard work.  Even if you didn't "win the gold," what you have accomplished is still worth celebrating.

If this seems overwhelming, start small.  Break your goal down into manageable tasks.  Then tackle them one by one.  "Winning" might prove to be not nearly as important as finishing.  The journey becomes the goal.